my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
