I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
