I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
