I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
