Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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