I can tuck mytits in my pants
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
