i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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