If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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