I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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