i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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