haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
