I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
