it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
