Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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