I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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