There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
