Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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