i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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