there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
