Sry I called you an 8
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
