Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
