I'm so fucking centered right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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