we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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