btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
