so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
