Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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