brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We are two peas in an std pod
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
