i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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