How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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