i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
