I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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