Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
