you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize