At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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