I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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