I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
