you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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