More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
