I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
