Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
"it" just moved
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
