quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
