Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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