a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
