I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
