i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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