I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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