so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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