Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
