Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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