you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
