Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
