I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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