Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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