when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize