Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
