wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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