Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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