My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You made out with two different species that night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
