the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
