Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize