I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
