In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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