A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
