Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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