I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
