Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
