Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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