the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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