im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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