So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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