I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
