No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
