Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
