In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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