i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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