I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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