He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize