I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
