In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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