My first STD was from a foam party
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
