i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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