I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
