just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't deserve a penis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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